Our neighbourhood, Koinange Estate

Next 12 hours –

Just kidding. Our house is NOT a shack at all, although it does lack a reception unfortunately. It has two rooms of two which are to be inhabited by the boys, two rooms of three for the six girls, and one servants quarters for the two organisers Douglas and Josh. They've really taken one for the team, the rest of us have beds and curtains. It's pretty lovely, I manage to bag the best room with en suite and balcony, and the top bunk. Massive win. I notice the stone floor is inset with a perfectly rendered Triforce pattern on the landing and decide that now is too early and risky to gage whether there might be a closet Zelda enthusiast in the group. I imagine shooting Deku nuts at Skulltula's from the out-sized, bear-armed embrace of my sofa, with my unfriendly, half-shaved cat and cousin Nin. From here even the memory seems prohibitively far away to think about.

After dumping our stuff we head for lunch to the Hygienic Butchery, I am unsure whether to be reassured or concerned by the need for such an eponymous qualification. I got beef fry with rice as it was what Josh got, I figured he'd learnt from experience. The gaunt, yellowing beef carcasses hanging in the window didn't do much to raise expectations. In the end it tasted exactly the same as the plane food I had, lamb stew, salty and meaty, what more could one want?

I soon realise that the species of meat served is far less important than the specific organ being cooked or the type of cooking. Emma was asking what sort of meat was in the spaghetti special, the first answer was 'meat', when pressed further the answer was specified to 'leg' meat. This would have to do, a steaming pile of offal was busily and ostentatiously being weighed out in the front of the shop.

American Peter ordered chicken fry which arrived looking like a jaundiced leg of Alien from Alien Vs Predator. It was at once scaly and feathery, it could not be cut with a knife. I feel so sorry for him, we were all pretty starving. We've eaten nothing since our plane breakfast of 75ml of yoghurt and one of those weird plane croissants which look like a clip art picture of what a croissant should be. That was 8 hours ago. I give him some of my beef fry.